How to Become Totally Awesome and Lose Most of Your Friends in 6 Months

IMG_0184

  1. Declare that you are going to become totally awesome and detail your plan. E-mail this plan to your entire contact list.
  2. Post your results daily on every social media account you have – preferably post from the gym. Include lots of motivational quotes with puppies and rainbows.
  3. Go every-thing free in your diet – sugar, wheat – heck – all grains, caffeine, dairy, alcohol, chocolate, legumes, and anything else you can read about on the internet. Describe your dietary martyrdom at every party, dinner, and (decaf) coffee break.
  4. Get so much sleep that you always have a bounce in your step and a smile on your face. Tell people how they can be happy just like you.
  5. Get so excited about awesomeness that it spreads to your kids. Then post all of their athletic and academic achievements on Twitter and Instagram, trophies in hand.
  6. Do Crossfit or Burnfit or Hot Yoga or HIIT. It has to sound hard. Walking with your neighbor will not cut it. Don’t forget the workout selfies.
  7. Know everything about everything, all the time. Develop smart talking points so that you can clearly articulate your opinion on politics, religion, fitness, and parenting at the drop of a hat.
  8. Give away most of your possessions; then let everyone know how amazing it feels to be so free of materialism. You can always borrow things from your stuff-hoarding friends when you need it.
  9. Take regular breaks from social media, and make sure you alert everyone each time you are off the grid so they won’t panic when they miss all your pictures illustrating your pursuit of awesomeness.
  10. Put forth consistent effort on social media to become “friends” with people who have already become awesome. Then, let all of your old friends know when someone awesome follows you or comments on your post.

If you do these things for 6 months, you will likely have a lot more followers on Twitter, you will lose weight, feel physically strong and confident, and find yourself disconnected from most of the people you have known your whole life.

But not to worry! You can now move to the awesome table with all the other awesome people. You can be on their podcasts and they will promote the book you are going to write. Then you have them on your podcast and promote their book. It’s similar to a pyramid scheme — each guru propped by the slightly lesser (newer) gurus beneath them. But maybe you are still getting in close to the ground floor of this exponentially expanding operation.

Anyway, you will be so busy recording your new webinar class on how to get awesome and attending important conferences and interviews, you won’t have much time at all to miss your old pals. They are probably just jealous anyway.

OK, OK- that was a little snarky. But hear me out. I write this as a warning to myself. As an aspiring writer, it is easy to look at those who have “made it” and think that I need to follow their road map. It is tempting to do things that might get me noticed for the wrong reasons.

I am actually longing for some new friends, but I am looking for the real deal. And I think my old friends are amazing and worth hanging on to. When it comes to what I think, read, and write about, I’m searching for something that goes deeper than it does wide. We’ll see if I can find it.

I just finished David Gregory’s highly engaging book How’s Your Faith?. One of my favorite thoughts:

“There’s a very specific way that I have resolved to change. I want to get better at developing and sustaining community.”

I came away from my time in his book with a renewed desire to strengthen my community and to bring my best self to the world with God’s help. And I know deep down that my best self will never be found in the pursuit of “awesomeness” on the world’s terms.  

My best self will only be found in authentic and intimate connection with other real, struggling, beautiful humans.

Please follow along – just kidding – no, really – you can follow along my exploration by clicking on the follow button above. Or just tell me who you are and what you are reading and what you are searching for or struggling with. I would love to know.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s